Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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