____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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