I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
