put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize