She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
