She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
