um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
