she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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