Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize