oh fat girl friday strikes again...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
