We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
