just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
