Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
