if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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