Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
