I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
