I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
