thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
