I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well I just put wine in my tea
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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