I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
