Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
