Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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