So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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