A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
