Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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