these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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