HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
