her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
