A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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