whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
