dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
