I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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