So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
