k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
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Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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