You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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