she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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