You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
