Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
