Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
