Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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