I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
