it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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