dude i'm inner monologue high
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
