I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
