Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
