Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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