I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
