This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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