Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think I sprained my soul last night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
