no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
