Can i not drive my cunt home
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
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Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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