dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
