Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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