I should be sponsored by Trojan
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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