life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
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she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.