Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.