literally had 100 drinks last night.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??