If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10