fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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