i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
