you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
