"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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